Dear God,

I don't know if you are out there, I don't know what to believe anymore. God give me strength is something I hear all of the time, but what if your not there. Who gives us strength? Only ourselves can. What if we aren't strong. I sometimes pray, but I dont know why I do, I don't expect you to listen. I know sometimes luck has helped me, and some people say that it is God watching over you. I don't believe that. If you watched over us you would help more, to see the struggles people have, so how can there be a god in a world devoted to science, and a world full of evil and unjust action. If man was made to be like its creator, then our creator is imperfect, and is selfish. And he quarrells. And he has depressing thoughts. And maybe even a mental illness. He has trials just as we as men are tried. So what if we have a god, a god that controls everything. That would mean he controls the good and the bad, everything is because of him, the sadistic crimes, and horrible abuse. You say thats the devil, well what if the devil is just another face of god, like a multiple personality disorder? He can have mental illness because he is like man. It is not to far to assume this. So, if there is a god, he is mentally ill, sadistic, evil, generous, depressed, happy, sad, caring, smiting, and perfectly imperfect. Our god is an human being. That is an even scarier thought then having no god at all.

Sincerely,

Confused

Dear Friends,

I seriously don't know what I would do without you all smiling everyday. Everyone of you is so kind, and understanding. And your all right in your own ways. You all have secrets, and you we have our ups and downs. But I am so glad to know you all are the way you are. You all are amazing. My friends, you never cease to amaze me with your kindness. I hope after we all graduate we can continue to talk. You are my reason for getting up everyday, knowing someone cares enough to so much as say something kind once in a while, it might not be much to you, but its the world to me.

Sincerely,

Your Friend

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

Today would have been our one year, its sucks the way things turned out. I'm sorry that I worked so much, and that I wasn't a average teenage guy who just wanted to get laid. That isnt me. I am sorry that I turned you down so much, and that it led to you cheating on me. I know I have made mistakes, but I know this break up was not one of them. Whatever the future holds, it will be brighter.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Boyfriend

Dear David,

You called me last night, Thank you. "Hey man! Is this Daniel?" "Yeah, who is this?" "Its your uncle David, man. I miss you so much! Your dad, real dad, Randy, says hi." If only you knew how long I had waited for this call. Four years of waiting. "David, I haven't seen you since the trouble with cops! How are you?" "I'm good, remember when we went fishing and I helped you catch your first fish, well I'm going to come home man, we are going to go fishing, we are going to drink a beer and talk. I bet your a couple feet taller then when I left, I know how I left you alone hurt, but I promise some day, me, you, and Randy are going to all talk like old times." "David.. you know you were my father after Randy left? And then you left. I still love you man. I think you should come down and see me, I wish I could have anyone one of those afternoons we spent down at the damn river back..." "Daniel, you know your father didn't want to leave, he loved you to death, I still tell him about you. I gave him the pictures of the day we went fishing, the day just before the fight with the officer. Before I die, I promise we will see each other again, and we will go fishing on the old farm. I gotta go, I love you. " Click. You changed everything right there. You left me hurting so bad, all those memories. Smoking with you down at the little damned pond, you showing me how to drive before I could reach the stupid pedals of your pickup. I remember that little calendar you had of those naked girls in your pickup, and you always told me those were your girlfriends. I know I will never see you again, I know you and Randy are never going to come back. But god damn do I miss you, man.

Sincerely,

Daniel Shay Carlson

Dear My Real Thoughts,

Your right, all those times I've sat in the silence and looked through old photographs of my dead friends, with that gun on my lap. I couldn't do it. I am scared of dying, but almost justly scared of living, my entire life is one hurt after another. Once I get that perfect job, I dont know what my goal will be, I don't know what I will live for. I dont know what I will do. I am so scared of being alone again. I scared to trust anyone again. I let Jade into my life, and look where it got me. Shes gone now, but she was gone a long time ago, the first time she kissed another man. I think I am gone, I am kind of numb, my feeling so stray and I feel empty. I am a ghost.

Sincerely,

My Self

Dear Work,

Im tired. Im taking the day off. Cool? Cool. Im going to go out to dinner, and enjoy a nice steak, maybe go see a movie. If its nice I might go street race. Becuase I'm sick of clocking in and working until I want to sleep on the floor. I might go home and chill in my boxers, put my feet up and drink some hot coco, but I'm not going to fill out another tax form, or federal firearm reciept, or balance my funds, or go around advertising. Its my day off.

Sincerely,

Danny

Dear Winter,

Please go away. I miss the summer time laughter, I miss driving with my windows down. Bring back the hot black top of the long roads, bring back the street racing and women in summer time skirts. Lets have one more pool party. Another round of shots for every one. Late nights with your friends. Up to late, way past curfew. Music up, hair down. Getting in trouble, not a worry on our minds, not thinking about the next day. I miss those times.

Sincerely,

Danimal

Dear Ron,

You've been okay lately. We talked, some of what you said hurt me a lot more then you know. I won't go back to Jade and now you see why, I am sorry that you lost a part of your family, see that I am struggling to, I lost a part of my heart everytime she betrayed me. But I am getting better. I know I have trust issues, and its because through my entire life I always lose the people I love. I lost my dad, I lost my grandpa, I've lost best friends, I lost an uncle, I lost a older brother to me, I lost lovers, I lost myself for a long time. Depression eats me alive, I think you finally realize why. I think you see why I need to be someone. Ive been hit, kicked, slapped, beat up, bloodied, threatened, put down, spit on, hurt, emotionally and physically, but it has made me who I am. I will always get back up. Everything you have done has made me independent, and strong. I fend for myself, even if it wasn't your intentions it is what has become. You didn't know what I did to survive when you lost your job, you were depressed and we didn't have money to eat. Now you know I am no so great of a person. And you accept me a little more. I want you to know, your alright. Really.

Sincerely,

Your son

Dear World,

I am asshole, I know I make mistakes, but I am trying to learn from them and get better at everything I do. I know I am not a perfect person. Neither are any of you, so you don't have the right to judge anyone else, and I don't either. Some times I say things about an ex, and I bite my tongue, just because I am mad doesn't give me the right to de grade you. I won't anymore. Even if you keep up your wicked ways I will smile and move on, smiling and keeping my head up. World, I will be better, I promise.

Sincerely,

Just Another Person

Dear Life,

I am going to be happy. I am going to live my life! I am going to live it up, and be a teenager, or give it my best try! I own my own life! My destiny is not set in stone and i can relax and live a little bit. I want to have fun, I want to laugh. I want to smile everyday. I wish I was happy like everyone else. I will be happy like everyone else.

Sincerely,

Yours Truely

Dear Jade,

Fuck you for bringing out my insecurities about everything. "Your dad walked out for the same reason i cheated. We didnt want you. No one does" Well fuck you. Stay away from me.

Sincerely,

The bridge you burned

Dear Money,

I know you make the world go around and all, but can you make it slow down a little bit? Im getting to old, far to fast. Chasing after you I've grown tired and sore, but also wise and calculating, so you would think you could do this one thing for me. I've caught plenty of you, but I still dont have enough to make ends meet, so could you please stop trying so hard to out run me, and let me get a chance to catch my breathe? 'Cause im going to run until I die if things keep going like this.

Sincerely,

Danny Carlson

Dear Pretty Lady,

I love how you spend time with me. I love how you make me feel like a person again. I love the way you talk to me. I love the way you are there for me when things get hard. I love how you are an amazing person. I love the way you look at me.

Sincerely,

Your secret admirer

Dear Jade,

A life is not a joke. You are a liar, a user, a vampire, trying to suck the life right out of me. I cannot believe the things you put me through. You think a life is joke? My life isnt a joke, your trying to ruin it, and me. I tried to make us work, while the entire time you tried harder to push me away. Now that I left you it is the other way around. A battle of wills. You say your pregnant, ha, who is the dad? Your not pregnant, and the life your talking about when you try to force responsibilities on me is a joke to you. I never want to see you again. Ever. I thought we could be friends, but faking a pregnancy is to much. I made you take two tests, guess what they said, not pregnant. If you were two weeks late they would say positive. Your a user. Your a player. I'm an asshole, but your a bitch.

Sincerely,

Your Worn Out Boy Toy

Dear Mrs. Hoehner,

Fuck You.

Sincerely,

Danny Shay Carlson

Dear Friend,

Thank you so much. Thank you for laughing at my stupid jokes. Thank you for caring. I think your an amazing person. What you said means the world.

Sincerely,

Your Best Friend

Dear Self,

Why do you keep trying? Why dont you go home and pull that fucking trigger? Why do care what you become? Why do you want to be someone? Why is your life falling apart at the seams? Because your real dad doesnt even like you? Who cares, thats the least of your problems, no one fucking loves you. Soon your own friends will shun you. Your money is why people hang out with you. Your a boring, rich asshole. So whats stopping you? It wouldnt hurt to die, a click of that trigger and then silence. And the pain disappears. So go do it, if you can muster the courage. Why didnt you do this a long time ago? Because you havent acheived what you want? So what happens when you finally get the job? What about when you buy that car? Your still a fucking no body. Your a sixteen year old, still young and dumb. So why are you so boring, you try so hard to be interesting. But people just want what you have, and you know it. Quit trying,

Sincerely,

Your real fucking thoughts

Dear Mom,

I know you tried so hard to make time, I see that you care about me. Sometimes its the thought of how much you love me, and how proud of me you are that keeps me going. Remember when we were so poor that we had food stamps, and instead of buying those apples, you bought me all those pop rocks? I remember. I remember when we hid under the kitchen table and pretended that we were playing hide and seek when the sherriff came to kick us out of the house. Remember when you used your scholarship money so we could go on a vacation? I do. I hope I made you proud. I think your a wonderful mother, and after everything you have went through to where you are today, I am so incredibly proud of you. Your a big shot. You work for huge companies. You never stop impressing me.

Sincerly,

Danny Shay Carlson

Dear Dad,

Lately I dont know who I am. I wish i knew my real dad. I think I would understand who I came from. Or at the very least have someone that would understand me. My stupid step father who I am forced to call dad doesn't even care. I left my girlfriend, she cheated on me, we dated for almost four years coming up here in December. He told me that I am an idiot. I don't know what im doing. Well dad, your suppossed to support me in what makes me happy. You dont, just because she was good looking you take her fucking side! You can't see past her low cut shirts and pretty smile. No matter what you did, i always tried to help... And now you talk to me like I am some sort off failure. Well, you dont fucking know me. You sit at home and watch your TV while i run my business, that you said would fail, you sit there while I go to work you fucking pig. You never cared. I break my arm you laugh. Im starving you say get another job. So I did. I got another job. I have four jobs now, and now im not starving. You tell me to shut up and do the house work, you know what, I make the same amount of money as you, so what are you going to hold against me this time? Yeah, look at me now, i make 36,000$ a year and im going places while you watch cops. I drive a 10,000$ sport car at 16, while you wish you were me. I know everyone, i know police, federal agents, military, judges, lawyer, governors, while your a pathetic, egotistical salesman. So yeah, you can yell, while I buy my clothes, my food, my shoes, pay my insurance, my hospital bills, my haircuts, my lunch money, my school supplies, but know that a real dad wouldve helped. He wouldve cared. You never took the time away from your damn shows. So its okay, dad, I am going places. I am going to be happy, without you.

Sincerely,

Your loving son